Monday, January 30, 2012


Oh yes,
So tonight I really had no place to sleep and was all set to sleep in my car in a perfect parking garage, when I realized it was pay by the hour. Doh. So instead I'm settle into a hostel all comfy with only one roommate that's been sound asleep since 10. Got settle, and went out for a beer. This hostel is right on the beach so it's got lots of nightlife around it conveniently. So to the bar I went for a beer. Now, I am not ideal weight, and not dressed in club clothes by any means, and I was wearing no makeup, but boy did the boys try hard. I ended up finally chatting a bit with one and he was nice. But it was the worst bar pickup experience. So many guys and so many girls that obviously love it and are there just for that reason. Boy the guys were handsy. I didn't appreciate it, but I'm guessing most girls do. I don't know nor attempt to understand these matters.
All that aside. I've been making great sales so the boss says much more work is coming! I hope he's not lying. And I hope he gets me more work down in the OC area. Nit that I don't care for the adventure but sometimes I like the excitement.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

It's Just Like Dieting

I've worked at Whole Foods now for two weeks straight every day I believe. I'm starting to think I live there. Now I have nothing really against the store except it's rather high prices, but it's certainly not the place where I wish to spend the majority of my time. All that to say I'm super happy to have this job. I'm doing well so my boss is hiring me for a couple more additional days as well as the extra week he hired me for as well. This is splendid, because I have to pay for the car repairs so way.

Speaking of my car, I'm so sad every time I think of having to get rid of mine and purchase another. I love my car so much. Was really hoping to keep it around for another 5-10 years (especially while cruising that's easy).

Speaking of cruising. Found another job and applied for it this evening on board cruise ships. Hopefully I will get a call or email. One can only hope in vain for a response. I've given out my phone number though so if I'm doing a demo and an unknown number calls me I'll have to jump out which will be awkward, but at the same time I'd much rather get this cruise job than keep my demo one any day.

This evening was so lovely. I got to have a couple hours of alone time. These hours are certainly precious these days. I usually have to suffice with them being in my car driving down the highway which on the open road would work fine, but in the city traffic is definitely not conducive to alone time and introspective thoughts. When I work a sales job, drive in city traffic hours a day, and go home to 4 people I simply do not get alone time. Real alone time: the kind where you can't hear the roommate or some one screaming across the wall, but where it's just you and whatever you want to do and think in your completely solace space.

I think as I get older I become more introverted and require much more alone time than when I was a child. I'm still not convinced I was an total extrovert as a child. If you're familiar with Myers-Briggs, I would say that I would fit the modification term of introverted extrovert. That seems the best description of me, but everyone just tells me I was and am an extrovert. Ah well, who am I to quibble over such details.

My shoulder has become stronger, but it's still very painful and hard to stretch is some ways. I try to stretch it every day (while I'm demoing), and do exercises and make sure that I work the strength aspect as well by lifting the product every day and opening and closing doors right handed. But I still feel sharp pain sometimes when I lift things. I've called a company in Orange County twice and left messages in the acquisition of some health care benefits but have not been called back. Must call again Monday.

Everything is is going as my unnormal usual. Hoping to get a cruise job soon. Working hard toward that end. Not seeing any results. It's just like dieting. HAHA. Work hard and get glimpses of what should happen but never getting the full result. The story of our lives! Hoping to fix this problem soon. Weighed myself this morning. Big mistake. I'm so overweight. When I stop demoing and can get back to living at "home", working out, eating normally, etc. hopefully I can shed some pounds. Otherwise, we all know the trend of self image.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Missed a day

Yesterday I missed posting because I was so busy. Went to work as usual, got stuck in traffic because of an accident and was offered more work the rest of the week!!! Woot! Anyway, ended up no going home last night so that I could save gas money getting to work today. Will have to go home tomorrow though so that I can gather stuff to spend the night elsewhere again. Cheaper then driving all the way back. I'm super happy that I'm getting work. Makes life sooo much easier. Although I am bummed that it's not music related :(

Still trying to get the doors to open for the cruise industry. I love that job and don't want it to end just yet. Would like a few more fun years of frivolous travel around the world under my belt before I try some other crazy fun job!

Anyway, tonight I'm going to have to try and squeeze in some practicing, some packing, some exercising, and some interneting. It's going to be a busy busy night!

Ankle Scrunchies

One nice thing about my demo job (and there are several) is that I get to people watch all day. Saw something today I'd never seen before: ankle scrunchies. Now, that's the best term I have for them. Wish I could have snapped a picture and posted it here, but my phone won't capture moving feet clearly. They were leopard print matching fabric scrunchies. They weren't in any way connected to the shoe. It was bizarre. Is this a new trend I'm completely oblivious to or is it just not normal?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Productivity and Practice

Wow, I'm so glad I had today. So glad it was mine to fill as I pleased. I got so much done. I'm now ready for bed. Just finished hand sewing the mountain biking shirt back together that the fire men cut off of me after my accident. Don't want to lose that shirt! Actually, it looks funny now, but it's still functional and saves me the money of buying a new one.

Got a load of laundry done, watched a movie (The Quiet Man), wrote more email, got ready for tomorrow, took a much needed shower, filed paperwork, and even practiced violin for an hour.

Yes, this is the first day I've practiced or even held my violin since the accident. I could tell I was very much out of practice and my arm isn't as steady and it will take time to build the endurance back up because I only was able to do two half hour sessions, but it's huge progress! And it's really wonderful to have it back under my chin and feel the music coming from me. I played so much Bach....I can never get enough!

Tomorrow is another demo day so no random updates. Applied for more jobs today. Would love to get some work. Oh, and I almost forgot, I was offered a symphony job in LA (not the phil) for the first week of March. So if I'm still here (which I really hope I'm not) then I have a symphony job! This is a huge deal for me! I'm so excited. Thurs. I will need to spend a lot of the day finishing calling and emailing symphonies. That is a priority, but so was everything else I did today. Honestly, I feel great about today. And that's what's important!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Cleaning Fiend

So after an absolutely devastating day yesterday, I'm back on task. It was nice to sleep in till I woke up and not feel exhausted crawling out of bed.

Have got phone calls made, papers filed (still more to do though of course; is it ever really done?), mail sorted and outgoing mail prepared and put in the box, ads read and either kept for use or recycled, emails sorted to a decent extent, figured out how to connect my phone to my computer through blue tooth so I don't have to go buy a micro sd card and can save some money that way, dishes loaded in the dishwasher and that is almost done so the next load can start, breakfast eaten but need to start considering lunch, purse cleaned out, business cards sorted and filed, cd's started to listen (and helping in relaxing), exercises for my shoulder and some potential practicing on its way soon!

It looks like it will be a promising day :)  I hope to get lots more "cleaning" done. Organizing and stuff is really satisfying

Monday, January 23, 2012

Guys: Blow Job Question

Ok, so guys: question, do you tell every girl that gives you a blow job that it's the best you've ever had or one of the best?

If so, why? Is it what you feel at the moment or are you just trying to make the girl feel good?

It seems to me to be an extremely common comment to me and I'm curious how many of you guys are lying to me or if I'm really that good....


Car Trouble

Now that I'm not standing on my feet all day behind a demo table I can continue my random update blogs throughout the day.

This day has been a roller coaster ride. I tried to fall asleep early last night since I've been up so late every night previously, but your body gets in the habit and habits don't die easy as they say. So I ended up finally falling asleep around 1. The cat kept coming in and meowing to be let outside. Every time I would get up to let her out she had already given up and walked out of the room (I'm not sure how much time elapsed in those periods). Then once she came in and ate (yes, her food is in the bedroom) and that was loud as well. All in all, not a very restful night.

This morning woke up early for an appointment out in Anaheim Hills. It was a desired appointment that was quite welcome and the price was decent so that was a nice start to the day. Then it was on to the car shop.

After they drove my car around apparently my brake pads and rotors are both shot. I've changed them before and they didn't sound like this so I don't know why it's different sounding this time, but it is. Anyway, I also needed my oil changed so with all of that I'm left with just a meager amount in my savings account. They had even worse news then the cost of the bill for me though. I have a hitch on the back of my car with a bike rack on it. I've noticed it tilting quite a bit and so I asked them to see if it was the hitch of the rack. They said it's my car!!!!  The frame of my car is apparently rusted out (even though I've been very careful to always park it in none sandy or salty climates) and the hitch and rack are not the problem but they should definitely be removed. That means I can't put a small uhaul trailer on my car, nor my bike rack. How in the world am I supposed to get anywhere now????  This shop doesn't weld otherwise I'd have them temporarily fix the problem for me, but they can't. So now I also have to try and find a place that will weld my car frame without charging me everything I have.

I don't know what to do. It makes me so frustrated to know I can work, and that I want to work and that I'm qualified to work but that I'm stuck here with no work. I can't pay these bills anymore. I don't have a credit card. And I don't have a job. My violin is still in payments. Maybe I should sell it. Go back to playing on the old factory made cheap one that no good symphony will hire me if I'm playing. I don't really have anything else to sell. I suppose I could sell my cello, but I wouldn't make much on it. It's not appreciating like my violin and I don't have another cello either.

Honestly, I just want to go home, crawl in the shower and cry. 

Sunday, January 22, 2012


Wow, what an exhausting week. So glad it's over. Glad I had the work but looking forward to getting everything done that's been on the back burner.

Tomorrow I have to get my car worked on or at least get the process started. Definitely not looking forward to that or the bill. Also need to get to all the paper work that's been stacking up and phone calls that have been delayed and emails that have been ignored. Ugh. But good. I can go chill at a Panera Bread of something and enjoy my tasks to some degree perhaps.

Also, since I'm not working next week I can get back to a better diet of Almased. I should be using it for all three meals but I'll be happy with two and a healthy third.

Also now it will be time to back on the music job hunt. I must get back out to sea! I'm drowning on land!


Orgain is the product I'm demoing this week. It's been mostly good. When there's traffic in the store I sell lots of it. It's a good product too and I like the chocolate so that really helps. It's good when you will ingest the product you're trying to sell. I work tomorrow all day and then next Sunday. Hopefully there will be more work for me next month!

I desperately need the work because my poor car is suffering. I'm hoping to take it into the shop Monday afternoon. See what they say and what the damage will be to me. Not looking forward to that.

Today was lovely though, despite the very chilly temperatures. Had two good demos and a lovely dinner with to groups of friends that I love very much. Sleeping on their couch tonight so I don't have to drive all the way home. Gotta love having good friends. Still trying to make more friends. I talk to lots of people and sometimes I chit chat about life in addition to Orgain.

I'm so tired from the lack of sleep this week and also the lack of significant food, what with the whole Almased thing. Looking forward to Monday where at least I won't be on my feet all day. Then Tuesday maybe I'll have a chance to sort some stuff out and calm down again. Yeah, wishful thinking probably. But one can hope can't they?

Saturday, January 21, 2012

car problems

Yea! I'm home before midnight. Finally. Almost didn't make it though. After work went to listen to a band with a friend and he picked me up but on the way back his car broke down. Doh. Luckily he's a nice guy and bought me a cab straight away so I didn't have to hang out and go with him to the tow truck and wherever else. Super tired and happy to finally be able to go to bed before 3 a.m. Only two more days of this and then I'll be able to calm down for a little bit. Not completely, but at least a change of pace.

I missed the symphony while at the band tonight. Has made me realize yet again how much I really really want friends that truly appreciate that form of music. Other forms too, but classical definitely.

Had to turn down a job offer in IN. Has anyone out there been keeping up with the weather in Chicago? It's awful, and I can't drive anywhere near it for a job :(   So, back to the job hunt here in OC!

Found out today that I have to get something fixed on my car asap (early next week). And of course, since I'm finally starting to catch up with my bills I now have a huge one I can't disregard. Arg! So, tomorrow and Sunday I'll have to try to call around to places and hopefully Monday I'll be able to take my car into the shop and walk away hundreds of dollars more in debt....

Bedtime! Goodnight everyone. Will be staying at a friends place tomorrow night so I don't have to drive all the way back home and then work the next day in the same town. Works well for me :)

Friday, January 20, 2012

Demos and Dudamel

So I went from being bored to death basically looking for work, watching tv, skimming craigslist, and any other random activity I could physically do to getting home past midnight and leaving at 9:30 the next morning with LOTS to do in between. Still trying to look for jobs, answer emails, write new emails, stay in touch on the phone for jobs, while working 8 hrs a day. Did I mention how much I would rather be working on a cruise ship? Got to love cruise ship jobs!!!  Anyway, so the last two days have been insane. Haven't met myself yet. Got home early (before one a.m.) tonight but have to get everything in order for tomorrow. That means, filling out the forms that came in the mail, getting them in the correct envelopes with the correct postage, laying out clothes for all the events I will be at tomorrow, getting in touch with all the people I'm supposed to meet with tomorrow, print out the maps to all the locations, make sure I have my housing squared away for the days I don't want to come all the way home if I have friends closer to the jobs, grabbing food (while trying to do this fasting diet), and remembering to charge all electronics or bring chargers if I don't have time to charge them. I also have to take car of the cat, and clean up after the other housemates; dishwasher, sink, oven, and do the thermostats and curtains and lights and whatnot. I think my mind is going to spin out of control. I got home so late last night and was so drained the night before I simply couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to form a complete sentence. I'm sure it's obvious I'm on crazy loop cycle right now.

Trying to get everything in order. I don't know what to do first to make it the most efficient. What things must be done today or can wait till tomorrow. If they can wait till tomorrow is it something I can take with me and take care of in my half hour lunch break or do I need to do it when I wake up in the morning? Oh, my brain is going to explode!

Good news! I did get my food stamps approval so that's all taken care of and now I can almost eat for free! Yippee!

Honestly I can hardly remember anything from the past few days right now. I know that last night I got to see the violist of the string quartet I'm a part of and that was nice. Tonight I was able to see the LA Phil conducted by Dudamel playing Mahler 1. There were some really obvious (to me) errors/mistakes, but it was a brilliant performance none the less. Tomorrow night I hope to go see a band called Midnight Whiskey perform. Planning on joining them as soon as I am healed enough to play violin again.

I can't wait to start playing again. It's been way too long and I dearly miss it. Next week I will try and see how painful it is and whether or not I can work up my practice hours or if I need more healing.

Right now I'd just be happy with a day off to get all the things done that have majorly piled up here in the last two days. It really is feast or famine for me. 15 more minutes and I have got to get some much needed and desired sleep. A few more things to do first. So wish me luck and I'll be back to write again soon!

Monday, January 16, 2012


So I had my three meals of Almased today. The best shake I made was the one in which I added cocoa powder. It was really good. I tried adding cinnamon which was nice, and pumpkin pie spice, but the chocolate was the best. I got really hungry this afternoon, but this morning and this evening has been fine. Looking forward to tomorrow.

Handed out another resume today. Hopefully I'll get a call back. Sending more emails tomorrow. Looked up a lot today and found very little. Why can't I just get a contract? That would be so much nicer. I have a friend on one of the cruise ships docking in San Diego and I'd love to break away and go take a free cruise for two weeks, but I need to make enough money in one month to justify no job hunting and some money spending for two weeks and so far that hasn't happened.

Watched Funny Face again this evening. It's such a happy and s'wonderful (lol) movie!!!!  I spent a lot of time looking for dance meetups and events near me today. Then this afternoon after I'd found a couple I'd go to I realized my right arm isn't healed enough to start spinning around and be yanked back and forth. Not that I'm really yanked, but I still have to be treated gently. Grrr. I'll wait another week and see how it feels. It's still really weak but the mobility is almost there.

I managed to get all the clothes I'll be wearing here all put into drawers and the closet and the laundry done so I think I'm moved in officially. It's weird. I don't like the feeling, but I do. I like not living out of bags and backpacks for a little bit; to have my stuff all where I can see it like I would on a cruise ship, but I don't like the fact that I'm not on the move. It's a good place where I'm at, but I hate being tied down. I guess this place is better than many others and after I make some friends I might like it for a little while. But if I get any chance to travel again; see ya later!!!!!

Anyone out there have a job for me? Housing included :) ? Music related, dance related. creative, organizational?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Funny Face

It's been a long time since I watched an Audrey Hepburn film and I'd never seen Funny Face and it just seemed to be the one for tonight so I put it in and oh was it wonderful! I mean s'wonderful :D  I'm a huge fan of the old time of song and dance movies and so I already knew I'd probably like it. And who doesn't like a good Fred Astaire dance routine or Audrey Hepburn  modeling shoot? It also helped that the movie included a favorite song of mine, S'Wonderful. I wanted to dance around the living room and the grin on my face was so big I could hardly contain myself when the movie finished. I'm watching it again tomorrow!

Watching the movie did make me realize how much I really miss dancing. I have gotten involved in the contra dance community here, but nothing further so I that is on my to do list. It would be a dream to find a good dancing partner here that I could waltz and swing my way with through orange county.

Today was nice since I got to see my Uncle and his wife. It's not very often I get to so it was a treat to spend lunch with them. Then I started watching the football game but fell asleep....I was up at 7, so give me a break! And for dinner it was Elephant Bar where I gave the waiter my card, hoping to make a new friend closer to my age in the area. Now I'm about to fall asleep writing this entry.

Tomorrow is all about reorganizing the bedroom, starting my fasting diet with Almased, and calling and emailing potential jobs!

It's a good thing I don't need to see the keyboard to type because my eyes are unable to focus anymore. Goodnight everyone.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

It hurts.

Sometimes I wish I was without emotion. Not because someone hurts me but because it hurts me so much to hurt someone else, or even consider that I might have. I have had quite some time tonight to think about it. How immediately a girl wants to share her pain with someone else; to get their opinion and just talk out loud. But what happens when she can't? Where does the pain go? How does she deal with it?

I'm sure some girls get sick and throw up, and sometimes I've felt that way too. Some girls break down into tears; and I have as well. Some girls pretend it didn't happen and act like a rock; I have had that reaction as well. But for me, what I feel most is what I'm guessing a mother (I wouldn't actually know this) feels when her child gets hurt or fails and something and the mother wants so badly to do something for the child but really can't. Her heart wants to burst with the pain of helplessness.

So does the pain inside turn everything to mush? Does it make her so vulnerable she can't resist attacks? Does it make her break down so far she feels nothing? Or does it solidify into steel? Make her so strong that nothing can crack her armor? Does it cause her heart to beat so fast and cry its own tears beneath the solid surface of concrete that she has kept and maintained to guard herself and make her the independent woman she is?

How is it possible that emotional pain can cause so much physical pain? How is it possible to have such clear physical reactions to an attack so vague?

I wish I could just ignore things sometimes. Be that rock. Pretend things don't affect me. If you met me tomorrow you would never know the inner war that I endured tonight. If you met me tomorrow you wouldn't realize how vulnerable and collapsible I might feel inside. I'm glad that I'm able to continue on easily, to learn and not forget, to easily forgive myself and others, to smile when I want to scream. Some say that I am emotionless, steel with no feelings, or that I don't care about people and their feelings. These accusations have all been spoken. And I believe those that spoke them believe them true. And then it's a full circle back to the top of this post. I feel that I've now offended them and am hurt by the possibility but don't know how to correct it. Evil this is.

I give so much of myself in ways that seem impervious to people. Sometimes I believe I live in another world where people don't think about the words they say. The specific words they say. How many times have I answered the exact questions someone asked only to have them get upset that I didn't answer their question. Reality: I didn't answer the question they were intending to ask, but the question they actually asked. When having conversations, I comment on the actual words someone used in the pattern of which they chose only to be ridiculed for missing the point. Not the point they actually made, but the point they were thinking. Admittedly English is a very difficult language, but for native speakers, why is this such a common problem? I know I'm not the only one that has experienced the phenomenon because I have read about it happening with others. It is extremely frustrating though because the basics of communication is broken down. We pay attention to body language and gestures, but not enough to words. Without the in depth understanding of our basic language system and the attentive detail to the way it's spoke there is very little meaningful communication. Yes, you can get the weather update or confirm the shopping list, but it doesn't get beyond the surface level.

I supposed if you've read this far you understand, empathize, have absolutely nothing to do, have no clue what I'm talking about but like reading my writing, or are seriously interested in my thoughts. I don't care which one, but I'm happy you did. Thank you. You've made me smile. Made my night better. Given me the inspiration to love life again and give others the inspiration to love it as much as I do!

Football and Fasting

Today was a good day. Needed to be to make up for yesterday. Was sore when I woke up because I slept too flat last night, but after some fresh yerba mate I woke up fine, wrote some emails, called some potential jobs and then had breakfast. The mail came about that time with my first check since August!!! Wasn't very much but it made me excited so I hopped on my bike and went to the bank and also Trader Joes for my landlord. Then the landlord and I reorganized half of the storage shed so that I could stack my bins. It was a productive time and my car is finally unpacked, the last bike stored away, and things are getting more in place. Yea! Finally feels like I have a home, or at least a place of residence for longer than two weeks. hehe.

Now I'm up in Long Beach watching the shutout of the Denver Broncos by the NE Patriots, drinking delectable delicacies, and eating chocolate granola.

Tomorrow is going to be good. I get to see my Uncle, do laundry, and enjoy a nice dinner. Then Monday I start my fasting diet. Wish me luck. It'll be the same thing three times a day for a week. BUT, hopefully I'll lose some weight, some toxins, and boost my metabolism.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Biking in LA

Today almost had me in tears by the time supper arrived, but it turned around for the better. Started out expecting to be able to rearrange the storage shed in the back yard and then unload my car, but the landlord ended up leaving for the entire morning which I wasn't expecting. So nothing was accomplished this morning other then applying to a couple more jobs. Finally I got to leave on my bike to go get my phone charger. It was about 15 miles away with a good 2/3rds of that being bike trail. Got all the info from google maps and set off, excited to discover some of the trails around the area. Was planning on taking a different way back in addition. Well, got about a half hour out and discovered the trail was closed. That was after I had to ask multiple people what trail I was even on because there were no signs :(  I took the detour but the signs fizzled out and so I ended up in a big circle not being able to recognize any of the roads I crossed. So back home I came frustrated yet again.

My landlord was kind and offered to drive me out to get the phone charger because he needed to also go to Walmart so I decided that while he got ready I would ride to the local bike shop to pick up a map that might help me out on my next venture. I've gotten lots of maps from many bike stores in quite a few states and NEVER been charged for them. The store wanted to charge me $8, so I said thank you and walked out empty handed. Denied again.

So on the way to Walmart and the phone charger I asked if we could stop at a GNC to pick up my fasting diet stuff for next week. It's on sale so I really wanted to get it now, but of course, to go along with the rest of my day, the store was all out. Damn. This just was not my day.

But as I said earlier, it did end well.  I successfully found my friend with my phone charger!!! My phone died several hours earlier but it's fully charged now :)  Then, it was a successful trip to Walmart for my much needed allergy medicine. And then we stopped at another GNC that was nearby and they had two containers of what I wanted! Yea! So then we came home; I walked the dog, made a light dinner and we watched a funny movie called Daddy Who?

Update on my accident healing: my movement is still limited and I have very little strength yet in my right arm. Getting dressed and undressed is not fun and still the most painful activity of my day. But the surface scar is healing nicely and soon no one will understand why I'm wincing in pain or doing something awkwardly with my left arm. Haven't picked up my violin yet, starting to feel lonely and naked without it. But at least I can ride my bike on the road again! Time, time, time. It's taking so long.

Well, I'm barely getting the post today in before midnight. It's bedtime and tomorrow hopefully the car will get unloaded! 

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Food Stamps

I did get much done today. Got to the library, the bank, and completed the application process for food stamps. Also managed to apply to a couple jobs as well as put together a to do list for myself when the landlord is gone of things I'll have to manage. Did not get everything out of my car or get anything in the house organized. Did make dinner and walk the dog. Feeling good about it all.

Tomorrow might be even more venturous. Left my phone charger at my friend's house and of course I'm not willing to go buy a new one and none of the old ones will work so I'm planning on biking for about four hours tomorrow to get that damn cord. At least it will be good exercise! I'd also learn some of the nice bike trails around OC.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Comfy couch

I'm really glad this couch is so comfy and the comforter is so cozy and warm. After overdoing it yesterday I took the day to try and recover and prepare for tomorrow. Big plans scheduled: unload the rest of my car which includes three heavy bins, go to the bank, go to the library, go to the food stamp application center, help my new landlord organize a walk in closet. Usually that could all be done in half a day, but that will take a full day in my slightly altered state.

Spent the day on the couch looking for work, applying to a few jobs and websites that I can apply to jobs through. Nothing panned out today from previous ventures so hopefully something from today will. Just keep trying, just keep trying...


I overdid it yesterday. Driving the distance and talking so much just about killed me. My muscles are definitely telling me today that I used them too much yesterday. Today will be about sitting on the couch writing emails, watching tv, making a couple of phone calls.

Hopefully something will turn up somewhere soon.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Panera Bread

I love Panera Bread. I'm writing this sitting at a nice booth after having received a free goodie for using my panera card! Gotta love it! Today has not been the best. Started out with a big hope of landing a one week job in Brazil on a ship. One week is not a lot, but at least it's something. Unfortunately when I awoke I had an email saying the job had already been filled before I even replied. :(

So I had a rather downer of a start to my day. My friend in Long Beach tried to make it better by taking me to the Queen Mary but walking around on a ship, stationary or not, didn't help and made me even more sad. So I visited another friend in Marina del Rey and that was nice but still not helping my mood. Hanging out with a friend from Culver City at the Panera and it's been the calmest and easiest part of today. Must leave soon though. Picking up another friend in Marina del Rey to head toward Koreatown. Hang out for a bit and then it's back to Irvine. With all these friends you'd think I'd make more connections but it all seems a dead end. Still working and not giving up; even after such a day as today.

The show must go on!

agents and cruise ships

What a dismal and depressing morning. Yesterday I found out through a string of people that I had been skipped by my agent when he emailed everyone about a job opening. Now, I'm just going to assume that he took my name off the mailing list since we all know he doesn't sit down and physically type in all the addresses. Not sure why such an action would be taken, but irregardless, I'm stuck yet again without a job. Fortunately, I have lots of music friends who get his emails and so I did too and emailed straightaway, but the job was already filled. My agent hasn't offered me a contract since Oct. and I haven't been working since Aug. Yes, it's been nearly six months that I've been out of work now and three of those I've had medical clearance and been not only fit to work, but actively pursuing possible contract openings. All to no avail.

So today was yet another dig into my armor with another job failure.

Sorry to everyone for writing such a downer entry, but this morning brought me to tears as I yet again realized my situation and lack of ability to do anything in the cruise industry for myself. Believe me, I've tried. I tried several years ago and I've been trying for months again recently, but it seems the doors have all been shut and locked to me.

I'm lucky in one regard. I have friends that will feed me when I'm around and let me stay. I have a place to live and a car to drive. All is never as bad as it sometimes seems. Today, a friend is taking me to the Queen Mary in the Harbor of Long Beach. I'm not sure if it will break me down entirely or fill some cracks in my armor so that I can forge ahead with renewed energy and a renewed vision of a bright future.

Monday, January 9, 2012

BCS National Championship

Wow, so I was all excited to go watch this game. Went to my friend's house in Long Beach; ordered pizza, drank good tasting beverages, and was enjoying a hopefully good game. What a disappointment! The Steelers/Broncos game was far better. Way better! Alas, it was a good time of channel flipping since the game didn't keep our interest very well. The pizza was good though :)

Today was fun as I did get to go to Costco. Bought stuffed grape leaves and ate lunch only to discover that Costco in CA is more expensive than TX :(

Not much else happened today of any importance. Occasionally I do have rather boring days.

Oh wait! I forgot, I got about 6 short sleeve printed blouses for free plus a long sleeve tshirt and a nice looking silvery glittery sweater. Awesome! Gotta love free clothes that fit. Yea!

Ok, that's about it I guess. A bit more tv watching and job surfing and then bedtime. Goodnight.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Rule of Thumb for Vaginas

So I finished watching the football game and was surfing the web and reading facebook updates and came across this article on another blog.

Now, I've heard of the phrase "rule of thumb" before but always used in the reference of how big a stick a man could use to beat a woman. I do believe that is where the phrase came from, but here's a new one.

From this link: Mosex blog
Sadly, the Princess suffered from what many women today still do – the inability to reach orgasm solely through vaginal intercourse.  Defying the social mores of her era, she discovered she could reach orgasm through masturbation.  While this led her to blame physiology and not psyche, it still left her deeply frustrated with her husband and eventual four other lovers.  But the Princess refused to accept such fate as a permanent condition!  Instead, she began some of the most revolutionary work of her time on female sexuality and anatomy while also embarking on her quest for orgasm by penetrative sex.

She first examined and interviewed 243 women.  One by one she measured the distance between their clitorises and the vaginas, then compared the distance to their frequency and ease of orgasm.  What she discovered was a direct correlation between the ability to orgasm through vaginal sex and the measurement of space between the vagina and the clitoris.  She categorized the findings from her subjects in three ways: paraclitoridiennes (para meaning “alongside”), mesoclitoriennes (meso meaning “in the middle”), and téléclitoridiennes (télé meaning “far”).
Paraclitoridiennes were the fortunate ones.  The space between their vaginas and clitorises measured less than one inch.  For the 69% of her test subjects that fell into this category, vaginal orgasm was easier than ever to reach.  However, similar studies conducted in modern times prove this statistic extremely high.
Mesoclitoriennes had a space between their vagina and clitoris that measured exactly one inch.  Only a mere 10% of women in her study fell into this category.  These women did not have it as easy as the paraclitoridiennes but they could eventually reach orgasm with enough practice and position variation.
Téléclitoridiennes had clitorises located farther than one inch from their vaginas.  This was the group in which the Princess belonged, along with 21% of her test subjects.  They had the most difficulty reaching orgasm solely by penetrative sex – if ever at all.
The evidence of such anatomical nuances in relation to the ease and ability of vaginal orgasm persuaded the Princess to try something extreme.  In 1927 she sought out Viennese doctor Josef Halban to surgically detach her clitoris and reattach it closer to her vagina.  Inspired by Marie, two other women would undergo the same operation.  The results were published under what was called the Halban-Narjani Operation, complete with before and after photos.  While the surgery did not work for Marie, the two other women deemed it a success, leading Marie to attempt the operation yet a second time.  Much to her disappointment, the second operation proved to be no better for the Princess than the first.
Since Marie’s research, consistent findings in numerous similar studies have led to the development of the Rule of Thumb.  Evolutionary biologist and professor at Indiana University, Elisabeth Loyd, describes the Rule of Thumb based on the length between the tip of your thumb and it’s first joint – if the space between the clit and vagina is shorter than this length, vaginal orgasm is easier; if the space between the clit and vagina is longer than this length, chances are penetrative sex alone won’t do the trick.
Very interesting to say the least.  And I'm definitely extremely curious about well, myself of course, but I'll have to figure all that out at a different time. It's rather amusing that as I write this entry I'm watching the Thomas Crowne Affair specifically for the song Windmills of Your Mind, but the sex scene/ chess game is what is playing.
Ah well, hope you all enjoyed the article. Leave a comment with your opinion!

Steelers vs Broncos

Wow, what a great game!!!  So glad my landlord has tivo. Fabulous game. Don't have a preference who would win so I will offend both teams super fans, but sorry, I just enjoyed a really good football game.

Managed to get my maps after all today. Got a ride to the next nearest metrolink station and they had an office, although they were out of some maps lol, guess I can't always win.

And, went to a lovely restaurant tonight called Newport Landing. Had the Opakapaka (aka Pink Snapper) and boy was it good. Had a lovely mango sauce that was delicious! Also had sauteed mushrooms and mixed veggies. All in all, fabulous meal and highly recommended restaurant.

Now sitting back on my new couch enjoying some really dark chocolate and a glass of red wine mixed with a pill to aid in sleep and pain relief. Tomorrow will come soon, but today was a success after all.

progress with no progress

I'm not sure whether today has made progress or none at all. Set out to get a library card. Had already got a computer card and was just going to update it to the full fledged library check out card. Took my rental receipt with me and got turned down. Only a drivers license, utility bill (but not rental receipt??), or postmarked mail (Hello, it's a paperless society. The only mail I get is W2s).  So, I now have to waste 0.44 to send myself my rental receipt. Alas, no classical music, no casual reading books, and no website writing books.

So after I failed at that I decided I would venture out on my bike again (yes, the same one I just crashed on a week a day ago), but on a paved trail this time. Rode 2.5 miles to the metrolink station to get some maps and time schedule because trying to read them online is a mind boggling headache. But, the station had no maps for me so I just rode back.

Now I'm tired and my shoulder hurts a bit although I rode most of the trail with no hands or just one hand. Still, I feel nothing was really accomplished today.

Going to have a nice dinner tonight though so that's a plus and I'm watching the Steelers and Broncos game and relaxing now. All will be good. It always is.

library card

Yea!!! I love libraries and I'm actually a little addicted to collecting library cards (although I only have about 5). Still, it's not always easy to procure one so it's rewarding when I do. It was a long night of trying to work on my blog with not much success. Today I got up late and am starting my quest toward building my own website. First I must learn HTML a lot better and spend some time doing trial and error like everyone else that learns to write websites successfully.

The library will be a great source for books on the matter to scour and also a slight deviation from the task at hand to gather some classical music cd's for my own entertainment. Maybe a casual reading book as well. I love that the library is within walking distance.

So... off I go. Wish me luck!  And hopefully soon there will be a website link on the side that you'll have to check out!!!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

moved in on the new couch

So I've claimed my new couch for the next few days. It will be where I sleep, work, nap, sometimes eat, chill, and that's about all I can do right now. All the rest of my stuff outside my largest tub, my tub of music, and my file crate is all moved in and ready for use. I'm feeling like I should be exhausted, but I have a little more energy than expected although I'm not jumping up for anything exciting. I still need to make the 2.5 mile trek to the metrolink station to get maps and time schedules.

Can't wait till I can get up and out again. Maybe tomorrow I'll walk to the library (which is open on Sunday!!!!) and take a nap there in a chair by their fireplace and read a magazine. Still working on getting a job. The email I had sent out to my one contact here in LA came back negative so I'm back to square one on starting a piano trio group out here that I could potentially get work with. Arg.

I feel a nap and some more cl searching and email writing ahead....

failed again

Last night I loaded most of my car by myself. This morning I loaded the rest I could with the help of my friend and headed off to my dog walking interview and then on to Irvine. I'm not sitting on the couch in Irvine typing away, wondering what happened to the interview.

Showed up on time, the dog and owner were there but so was another girl, the interviewee before me I assume. So I sat down just inside where I could see her and waited for her to leave but instead of her leaving, they both the same car. Weird. I wasn't aware the girlfriend was also coming to the interview. doh. So now I'm out of yet another possible job that would have been fun.

Gonna spend some time replying to more possible cl ads now. See if I can get any leads today.

Still can hardly move my right shoulder. Driving was painful but possible. Don't wish to do it much again soon. Tried sleeping in a bed instead of a couch last night. That did not work. Can't sleep laying down yet. Hopefully all job interviews will be held end of next week when I will be able to shake hands without cursing. lol

Friday, January 6, 2012

moving to Irvine

After a day of getting off the couch once for a pee break and some grapes to curb the hunger craving I've finally gotten "up", bit my lip for the pain, took a pill (which I'm convinced is a placebo for it's lack of pain killing capabilities) and loaded up my car to head to Irvine tomorrow morning. But first I have a job interview to be a ... dog walker!!! That will pull in less than a hundred bucks a week, but it's something at least.

Back to sitting on the couch now that the car is full and enjoying dinner, then it's bedtime so I can wake up refreshed for tomorrow. I'm ready to move on. New places, new faces, new chances.


It's been nearly one week since I went over the handle bars, knocked myself silly for a hour, and scraped and bruised my right side. There have been up and down days. Yesterday was an up; today is a down.

Woke up to major pain just to roll over or sit up. Had hoped to be able to move into a place in Irvine today but that is certainly out of the question. Also had the thought of being able to drive up to the ocean and spend the day relaxing that way, but that is also out of the question. damn.

Sooo, I guess I'm back to sitting on the couch working on my blog and coming to the realization yet again that there is nothing to watch on cable. Can't wait to get back to practicing violin, riding my bike, going for a run, playing beach volleyball, and driving.

But until then I have no excuse to not get the blog looking beautiful, begin working on my website (anybody got free advice?) and continue trying to find a piano trio here in LA that might get me some exciting work!!!

More updates to follow...of course.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

There's more than one Impossible Mission?

So I continue to work away on the blog with deviations for movies, phone calls, and food. Had a lovely call with my good friend from Nashville who is going on a cruise. It was nice to discuss ideas for the blog and for a website too. I'm back on drugs for the pain in my upper right body. It's supposed to make me sleepy and addicted to it, but it seems to make me super awake and hyper and then all of a sudden it's poof! Dead. 

Enjoyed seeing the new Mission Impossible movie. I haven't seen any of them so now I'll have to go watch the first 3? 4?...not sure how many there are. Anyway, back to the grindstone it was for a little while and now I have all my filing done that's been backing up for the past 5 months! Yea! 

Now it's back to creating a more personal blog that will hopefully make a few cents occasionally as well as find me some random jobs as well. 

craigslist stranger and a movie

Many people have told me over the last several years that my life should be a sitcom. Well, assuming that cable network isn't going to pick up my life story I'm going to blog about it and hope that you all enjoy the tales, excitement, boredom, and craziness that is my life.

There's no place to start like today (and no, everyday is not exciting), but we'll start here for a lack of anywhere better.

Woke up in Long Beach where I've been staying for a week now. Sleeping on a couch smaller than me so that I can sleep somewhat sitting up. New Years eve I went over the handle bars on my mountain bike and luckily there are no broken bones or internal bleeding, but I have lots of muscle pain and could hardly move my right arm. It's getting better, but I'm still stuck here because I can't do much on my own as of yet.

So, I've had it watching cable tv and surfing craigslist and playing games so I answered an ad to go to a movie and lunch today. Getting picked up in an hour to go see the new Mission Impossible movie. Hope it doesn't matter that I haven't seen any of the others. lol

Meeting strangers is fun and I'm glad to meet someone new today. Miss that since I'm not working right now. Guess I should include that I'm usually performing on cruise ships on violin or cello. Recently haven't been able to secure a contract.

Lustfully wandering further south in California.