Wednesday, September 25, 2019

A Week in a Dead Lady's Home

My vision of typical trips are usually fairly planned: housing, activities, flights, even meals.

My immediate family not so much. Get in the car. Start driving. See what happens.

I'm not usually around for such road trips, but this last one I was the chauffeur. Knowing I don't sleep well, if at all, in a bed right next to my parents, I opted to try to call ahead for a couch at our destination.

I got a lot more than I bargained for!!

My family is friends with the people I called for a couch; pretty good friends I would say. So they did what good friends do: offer the dead lady's house down the street so we can all sleep for free.

Now on the outset this actually sounded like a good deal: a fully furnished house with a couple of rooms so we can sleep peacefully, cook, and live comfortably. The lady hadn't been dead that long so how bad could it be?

Home for the week. Think I won't try to park the car in the garage...

Well, old lady smell aside, the house hadn't been lived in for years. I didn't realize that several years before she died, she'd moved out of the house into a facility elsewhere. With the house not occupied and cleaned only 3 or 4 times a year, it was a much different experience than expected. She also hadn't touched the house since it was built. It was amazing to walk in to another world. The dirt floor root cellar, the 6'garage ceiling, the settled and cracked and uneven floors, the "white" carpet in the bathroom, the orange carpet on the stairs, the two prong outlets on the walls preventing me from charging some of my devices, the kitchen faucet that shut off by moving the handle all the way to either side instead of straight down, the radio vs TV in the living room. Oh, and the snake skin casually hung on the garage wall!

Yes, I ducked every time I walked in to the garage! 
Fishing pole, fishing pole, grill brush, snakeskin...wait, what?!
There was white mold covering most of the hardwood doors and chairs so no closing the bathroom door! Fortunately the kitchen chairs were lacquered and didn't have the mold growing the rest of the wood around the house did so we had someplace to delicately sit.

The dust level was unreal. The house was due for it's tri-anuual cleaning so layers of dust covered everything. Because everything was so dusty and moldy, we chose to forego cooking and lived off of our travel food and our daily dinner out in town. So much for cooking.

Thankful it was free and I wasn't sleeping in a bed next to my parents, I unpacked the car cooler into the fridge (which had been plugged in that day), took off the top blanket on the bed gingerly and laid it aside, stripped the bed and "washed" the sheets in hot water but without soap, and chose not to unpack my backpack, but to instead live out of it for the week to try to keep everything in it a little cleaner.

That first night was a long one. Sleeping on an ancient, rock hard, and seemingly smaller than twin size bed with a pillow full of unknowns that rustled every time you moved made sleeping difficult. I also froze without the blanket :(  At least I got to listen to the chorus of coyotes, owls, crickets, and other creatures outside my window. That indeed was pleasant (I am a country girl after all).

The "doorway" to my room.
Note the "step" down even though the floor is supposed to be level.
The next morning, I awoke to discover the fridge doesn't actually get cold. My milk was spoiled and I was worried for the yogurt and cheese so I plugged the car cooler into the wall (thankfully it's a two prong cord) and put all the cold stuff back inside that was still salvageable. I also woke up sneezing constantly. I would barely get to the trash can to throw away the tissue before I needed the next one. By the end of the week my voice was croaking every morning and I had nasty sinus pressure along with the incessant sneezing.

The "fun" part of the adventure was the lack of cell service and wi-fi. Of course no dead lady's house will have wi-fi in it and we were out in the country (think gravel roads and a house every few miles) so no stealing wi-fi from the business next door or asking the neighbors to use theirs for the week. It was also non existent cell service in the house. It seemed that way in every house so this one was no exception. I use AT&T towers so expected service and totally received it...every time I stepped outside. Yes, if I actually set my phone against the window in the kitchen it would eventually pick up the signal, but I couldn't pick the phone up to use it and keep the signal.
Walking the country road to get some wi-fi!

I did sit on the front steps a little while, but the bugs!!!  Unmown grass and country life breed bugs and insects of many varieties and with no one living there to keep it in some form of check, every critter was moving in and I disturbed them stepping outside the front door. I actually got ants in my pants! :-O

So to say the least, I spent very little time outside to use my cell phone and had to go to the neighboring house (which luckily was only a half mile walk or so) to get some country wi-fi (read not Google Fiber) service.

Lots of wonderful visits happened and I enjoyed my time away from the house that week. I hope it's a long time, if ever again, in my future when I spend a week in a deserted dead lady's house.

Country Road, Take Me Home