'TIS THE SEASON

YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE MY ALL CAPS POST, BUT THE SHIFT KEYS ON THIS COMPUTER ARE BROKEN AND HITTING CAPS LOCK TWICE IS REALLY ANNOYING AND TIME CONSUMING, SO INSTEAD OF WRITING EVERYTHING IN PHONE TEXT FORMAT, I'M OPTING INSTEAD FOR THE ALL CAPS.

NOW ON TO MY POST TOPIC.

IT IS THE SEASON....FOR GIFT GIVING.

NOW THIS HOLIDAY I'M WORKING FOR SOME EXTRA MONEY AT A RETAIL STORE. IT'S A NICE STORE WITH INTERESTING AND UNIQUE THINGS. THEY'RE ALL HANDMADE IN THE UNITED STATES AND IT REALLY IS A MOM AND POP STORE WHICH I SUPPORT.

HOWEVER, MY ISSUE IS NOT WITH THE STORE, BUT WITH WHAT GOES ON THIS TIME OF YEAR.

THE COUNTLESS TIMES SOMEONE HAS WALKED IN THE STORE, BOTH MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE, AND SAID, 'I NEED TO BUY SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE BUT THEY ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING AND DON'T REALLY NEED ANYTHING'. WELL, THEN WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU BUYING THEM SOMETHING.

WHAT A MATERIALISTIC SOCIETY WE LIVE IN THAT REQUIRES US TO GO SPEND, I MEAN CHARGE, MONEY WE DON'T HAVE, TO BUY GIFTS PEOPLE DON'T WANT, THAT THE RECIPIENTS WON'T USE. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, WHAT A WASTE. YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO GET A GIFT YOU DON'T WANT AND YOU THEN HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHETHER YOU CAN REGIFT OR IF YOU'LL HAVE TO DONATE, OR MAYBE HANG ON TO IT FOR A WHILE, OR EVEN POSSIBLY DISPLAY IT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO INFLICT THIS UPON SOMEONE YOU CALL A FRIEND.

BECAUSE IT'S SOCIETY PRACTICE. BECAUSE IT'S WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING. BECAUSE IT'S WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE. BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING AND YOU DON'T WANT TO OWE THEM ONE. BECAUSE YOU'RE SO AFRAID OF BEING DIFFERENT. BECAUSE YOU'RE UNABLE TO DEAL WITH AN AWKWARD OR POTENTIALLY HOSTILE SITUATION WHEN THEY DISCOVER YOU DIDN'T BUY THEM SOMETHING ON THAT SPECIFIC DAY. OK, I'LL STOP.

NOW YOU MIGHT BE THINKING AFTER THAT SMALL TIRADE THAT I'M ANTI GIFTING. THIS IS NOT TRUE, AS MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL VOUCH.

BUT I GIFT IN THE WAY I WISH SOCIETY GIFTED...WHEN IT'S NECESSARY OR HELPFUL. FOR INSTANCE, IF I KNOW A FRIEND NEEDS SOMETHING AND I HAPPEN TO COME ACROSS THAT ITEM, WHO CARES WHAT HOLIDAY IT IS; I BUY IT AND GIFT IT. I DON'T BUY KNICK KNACKS THAT SOMEONE HAS TO DUST OR WASH OR ANY OTHER ANNOYING CHORE. SOMETIMES THE BEST THING IS JUST AN OLD FASHIONED HAND WRITTEN CARD AT ANY TIME OF YEAR, NOT ASSOCIATED WITH A HOLIDAY, THAT TELLS THEM YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR THEIR FRIENDSHIP. YOU KNOW HOW MANY HANDWRITTEN CARDS ARE SENT THESE DAYS. HOW MUCH THOUGHT GOES INTO ANY LETTERS...YEAH, I DON'T THINK I NEED TO ANSWER THAT BECAUSE IT'S RHETORICAL AND YOU GET MY POINT.

AMERICA IS SUCH A MATERIALISTIC SOCIETY THAT WE CONSTANTLY CONTINUE TO AMASS MORE STUFF WHEN WE DON'T USE THE STUFF WE ALREADY HAVE AND WE DON'T HAVE MORE SPACE TO STORE THE STUFF WE'RE GETTING. I RECENTLY SAW A FUNNY THAT HAD PEOPLE TRAMPLING INTO STORES ON BLACK FRIDAY AND IT WAS AN IRONIC FUNNY BECAUSE IT SAID THAT PEOPLE WILL NEARLY KILL EACH OTHER OVER SOMETHING THEY SO DESPERATELY THINK THE NEED WHEN JUST THE DAY BEFORE THEY WERE ALL GIVING THANKS FOR WHAT THEY ALREADY HAVE. MAYBE THE LOGIC IS THE MORE STUFF YOU HAVE THE MORE THANKFUL YOU CAN BE....IS IT IN DIRECT CORRELATION OR AM I MISSING THE POINT...

SINCE MOST OF YOU PROBABLY HAVE YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ALREADY DONE FOR THE SEASON THIS POST WILL MAKE LITTLE OR NO IMPACT ON YOUR HOLIDAY, BUT I WOULD LIKE IT TO MAKE AN IMPACT ON YOUR BRAIN. THINK ABOUT HOW YOU SHOW PEOPLE YOU CARE. DO THEY REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU CARE. CAN THEY TELL OR IS IT JUST A TRADITION.

I CHALLENGE YOU TO FIND A PERSON YOU HAVEN'T BOUGHT SOMETHING FOR THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, AND INSTEAD OF PURCHASING A USELESS GIFT OR A GIFT THEY DON'T REALLY NEED, MAKE SOMETHING WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. WRITE THEM A LONG LETTER, SPEND TIME DOING SOMETHING FOR THEM IF YOU'RE NEARBY LIKE A BIG PROJECT THEY NEED COMPLETED IF YOU'RE HANDY AT THAT SORT OF THING. ASK THEM WHAT THEY REALLY NEED. WOULD THEY RATHER JUST SPEND THE TIME WITH YOU INSTEAD OF HAVING YOUR MONETARY GIFTS. WOULD THEY RATHER YOU DID SOMETHING SEEMINGLY SMALL AND INSIGNIFICANT FOR THEM THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD SEE. FIND OUT WHO THEY REALLY ARE AND WHAT THEY REALLY NEED; AND DON'T JUST BUY THEIR LOVE THIS CHRISTMAS.

SHORT DISCLAIMER...SOMETIMES GIFTS ARE SUPER DUPER HELPFUL AND WONDERFUL AND AMAZING AND GREAT. I'M NOT CONDEMNING GIFT GIVING, BUT THE CULTISH PRACTICE OF IT DURING THE HOLIDAYS WHERE THE PERSON ON EITHER SIDE IS EXCLUDED FROM THE EQUATION TO THE WHIMS OF SOCIETY. IF YOU HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT GIFT FOR SOMEONE, THEN BY ALL MEANS, GET IT. BUT WHY WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS OR ANY HOLIDAY FOR THAT MATTER. IF THEY CAN USE IT, GIFT IT NOW AND WATCH THE HAPPINESS AND JOY ABOUND.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

It's 80 degrees and almost Christmas

Yep, you read the title right. I have relocated myself to Austin TX for the holiday season. Having grown up in the snowy and windswept northern country, I have come to greatly appreciate the ability to walk out the door at 8:30 a.m. in a light weight dress and jacket and be completely and sufficiently warm. It's wonderful.

What sucks is that I have to spend the entire day indoors working on my feet at a retail store. In addition to the fact that I'm tired and sore by the end of the day, I'm also hungry since the past few months I've spent snacking all day and now I can't do that. Consequently, it makes me even more hungry, which makes me more tired, which makes me inevitably more sore. And in the end, I won't be much richer for the sacrifice.

But, I am staying with a wonderful family, eating healthy (did I mention I have converted, at least for a trial period, to being a vegetarian?), working out, and enjoying the company of friends. Oh, and let's not forget the warm weather.  Who said anything about a White Christmas? Certainly not I!

So, I am working here for another few weeks until I can make my escape and wander off to another unknown location at this time. Wish me luck so I don't kill the yappy dog at the store, nor it's bickering owners!

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Blizzard!

I won the jackpot today. Well, not literally. In some fashions it snowed hurt and pain all day long. From before I awoke till I sit here writing this entry. It's been one of those days where I just had to laugh all day to avoid crying, and I almost didn't manage that several times.

So the title of this post is ironic in multiple ways. One is the before mentioned, and the other is what happened at the performance tonight. This weekend I'm performing in the Arkansas Symphony Orchestra's Christmas Pops concerts. But tonight held an ill surprise for me.

Performing on stage brings me so much delight and joy that I had nearly been able to stuff today under the rug for a few hours and revel in the delights of bringing holiday music to the masses. That is, until the very last song. Unbeknownst to the orchestra there was scheduled to be paper snow drifting down during the last number. It started snowing on all of us to which the violinists were a bit turned off since we don't want shreds of paper in our instruments. But apparently, the amount of falling snow wasn't enough because someone in charge of the effects ordered 'more snow'. So instead of light falling snow, it literally dumped a big bucket of snow, on me, AND ONLY ME, I MIGHT ADD. Now yes, everyone got more snow, and other violinists were not so happy, but I had to stop playing entirely and shake all the snow out of my violin, go rummaging around to dig it out of my cleavage, and I still had a huge pile sitting on my lap as well as it covered the floor around me so deep you couldn't see the stage through all the paper snow flakes. To top it all off, I was so surprised when the giant snowball landed on my violin right in front of my nose that I shouted "SHIT" at the top of my lungs. Turns out my voice really carries. I was lucky the children's choir was on the other side of the stage.... But I did provide comic relief for the rest of the first and second violin section, as well as some of the vesper choir, and a few woodwinds, and unfortunately Santa Claus as well....

Not until I had cleaned out my instrument and dug my way out from under the snow mound and nicely chewed out the special effects guys did I wander downstairs to the dressing rooms where, of course, I was the topic of conversion. No one had ever heard anyone shout an obscenity on stage so loud before and it was apparently very amusing. And everyone made sure to remind me that Santa Claus had also heard, so I was, for sure, now moved to the naughty list, if I wasn't there already. In response to this comment I sardonically responded to everyone after a brief pause, "Damn it", which brought riotous laughter each and every time.

Looking forward to tomorrow...said with as much sarcasm as nervous anticipation. Let's just say I won't be looking at the music during the last song. No, I'll be staring at the sky, and any potential giant snow balls that might decide to streamline their way down right onto me.  Won't catch me off guard twice!

So, with all necessary precautions present and accounted for, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW AND REALLY LET IT SNOW!!!

P.S. I'm quite sad I don't have picture to prove the giant mess and severity of my own personal Arkansas Symphony Snow Ball. Though, hopefully I won't have a chance to take a picture again...

Hurt

Today, it hurts. It really hurts. I can't explain why all entirely. Nor is it just one thing that hurts me. Life hurts. It's crushing me; killing me slowly. I want out.

The Long and sometimes Lonely Road

Nine times out of ten, or even ninety nine times out of a hundred I'll tell you that single hood is a wonderful thing and that I truly am enjoying it.

Short background history to better appreciate the thought and sentiment of the post. I purposefully remained single through high school and undergrad to better further my education and violin skills. When I entered my Masters studies I made the conscience decision to date, and consequently found a suitable mate, or so I deemed at the time. After a few years in this relationship things went decidedly sour and back to single hood I returned.

It was extremely hard at first, I will admit. But soon the independent lifestyle, the freedom, the carefree effortlessness, and the lack of heart wrenching scenes became a preciousness I didn't know had existed.

All this to say that even in my reverie of single hood, there are small holes in this seemingly airtight bubble in which I reside. But since I rarely get on a ladder to go looking for them and since I also don't try to push the boundaries of my single hood bubble I rarely notice these small holes.

But once in a great while I stumble and fall and my nose lands directly on one of those darn holes. And wouldn't you know it? The air on the outside smells more pleasant than inside. It's the grass is always greener  phenomenon. But breathing in that sweet air certainly gets my attention and collapses my heart into a melting pile of throbbing wanting.

In this time all I can think of is how much I want someone.; someone to hold, someone to silently understand, someone to feel my heart beating strong against theirs, someone to love and someone who will love me back. I spend the day in my melted pile of gooey heartedness, lamenting over the fact that I single.

This scenario really rarely every happens...thankfully.

And it's a good thing because not only do I live a life that is suited toward single hood, but I am actively pursuing a career change that will be only fitted to the single lifestyle. In this new pursuit the small and scary thought flitted across my mind as to whether this is really the best of all possible worlds. If I do pursue this career, I will remain single. I will remain alone. I will remain without someone.

This is when I tell myself that when the time is right there will be someone that I randomly meet who will be able to merge into my career path. Otherwise, when I eventually settle down as much I can handle (maybe split the year between travel and a planted home), which won't be happening in the near future, I'll be old enough that I can just have a retired someone. Or by then I'll just have so many awesome friends that a someone would just get in the way!

Too all those out there with or without a someone, enjoy your current state. Relish the existence of just being; being you, with or without someone. Breath in deeply and savor the senses that are those around you.

Stop. Stop wishing. Stop searching. Stop waiting. Just stop, or you'll miss it and you'll never be able to get it back.

Continuing onward in no given direction

This is going to be a wandering post....as the title sort of implies.

The reason being is that I don't know exactly where I'm going, in life that is. Yes, tomorrow I'm driving to Little Rock to play in the Arkansas Symphony. Whenever I get washed up on shore from the cruise ship industry I try to land somewhat near Little Rock so I can at least gain the resemblance of an income. (Although the resemblance is looking mighty bleak as of late).

So there is 'direction' in my life. But what I mean by that statement in the title is that I'm not sure where my life is headed.

The last few weeks I've been working on research for my new show that I want to pull together. But I'm not sure if I'll be able to manage it since I'll have to get funding and/or a producer to back me. If those two things don't come together there is simply no way my show will be possible.

There is another avenue that I very recently remembered for a short life path trek. However, how much time should I take away from my show in order to follow it and see if it's possible? Is it a better line of work for me right now? Would it have more potential for success? Would it be easier to get backers for the idea and then run with it as opposed to hobbling along at the one I'm attempting now?

Then there are the other odd little jobs and leads that I'm trying to complete in order to survive!  Those damned pesky bills to pay off college and credit cards from college and loans for my instruments, and food and gas.

Now I turn to a small tangent that I often express in verbal form to those brave enough to listen.  And that is, I believe money should not be the main nor only medium for trade. Why can't I trade things I'm good at for things I need? This used to work so well and then we decided that having only one medium was much better and it divided the people even more into segments of hierarchy. I'm good at a few things and quite handy at many others. I've also spent my entire life in the pursuit of this one goal, to perfect my violin skills, all the while knowing (and accepting) that I would receive very little compensation for my efforts. And honestly, I'm still completely fine with all of that. What I'm not ok with is the direction that society is heading which is effectively eliminating my career from the country.

As I try to continue my pursuit of a performance career there become fewer and fewer openings. Even in the last 10 years jobs have dropped off the map forever. Symphonies are going bankrupt, cruise ships are hiring fewer musicians all around and cutting the classical music all together for the most part and other outlets for classical music, like weddings and funerals or parties and teas are turning to recorded music or DJ's.

This trend reminds me of the title of another one of my blog posts, "Lost in a generation". That entry has nothing to do with this one, but it's something else we've lost in the younger generations; the ability to appreciate and support the fine arts.

Now it sounds like I'm going to do the whole harp against sports thing in favor of music in schools. (maybe another time). But I played sports in school, and out of school and I still do. I watch sports programs on television. I also get that in many sports you can't play them your whole life like classical musicians can and so the pay scale should reflect that (BUT not to the degree it does right now). I listen to non classical music. I buy non classical cd's. I go to non classical performances and the movies as such. (BUT I don't think these artists/actors should be payed more than nearly everyone on the planet. REALLY?  If our country was in dire straights I guess we could all die happily listening to pop music and watching the latest pop star bounce around on stage). I enjoy the not so fine arts, really, and support them when I can, but not to the exclusion of the fine arts.

Ok, rant over.

Basically, it feels like for the years since college I've been mostly successfully trekking through the woods. Occasionally, there would be two trails and I've had to choose, but it wasn't like now. Now, I've made it through the woods. I've reached the open field on the other side. There are no trails, there are no paths, there are no boundaries, there is nothing except the woods behind, from which I just emerged. Part of me wants to run back into the woods and the safety of the paths I now know so well, but I know that I can not do that. I must face the open field and find my way. I hope to find friends in this field. I hope to find clues and signs. I hope to learn that I can do more than just follow the path in front of me. I hope that in the field does not lurk a menace so large that it can not be overcome. I hope that I don't become bogged down and lose sight of the horizon. I hope that I don't give up and turn back to the woods.



So here's to hope, to friends, to unforeseen futures, to laughter, to life and to love.
May all my dreams come true.

Wouldn't it be nice for Christmas?

So I've decided that I'm ready to move into my third phase of hair removal in my life to date. From the time I was in high school until a couple years after college I did the shaving routine; lather on shaving cream, swipe expensive razors that only last a few days, and get frustrated every day when the stubble is long enough your legs are no longer smooth or every winter when you step out of the shower and it's so cold you get goose bumps and you might as well had not shaved at all. Then I decided this was a severe waste of my time and I only felt I actually had smooth legs for a few hours after shaving so I switched to waxing.

Now I've tried a lot of different waxing salons to various degrees of success and have not hated my time spent there for the most part. After having spent much money and several years following this path I've enjoyed reaping the benefits of the waxing profession; softer hair, lighter hair, and slower growing hair. BUT, there is still lots of hair and my skin is getting much more sensitive with age and even sugaring is now proving too much for my skin to handle on a frequent basis.

It's now time to explore the world that is laser hair removal. It's been around for quite some time giving it plenty of years to perfect and improve it's performance and safety qualifications and I feel comfortable subjecting myself to this method of hair removal at this time.

So that brings me to the link below. Laser hair removal isn't cheap, but if it works (which it usually does completely and I'd be happy with even mostly), then it's much much cheaper than the continued waxing services I've been using and considering time is money, it's also cheaper than the awful habit of shaving.

Subsequently, I've taken it upon myself to locate a deal I could benefit from in this regard. It's 90% off !! which is a crazy deal :)

But of course, I'm just doing good to buy myself food and pay my automatic bills so I'm relying on all my readers to donate to my cause of girly happiness and sexiness.

Just click on this link and you're on your way to making me a very happy girl indeed!!!  A Living Social Deal