Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Crushed Again

Some of you may have noticed a line in a recent post that noted I have a crush on someone. And I bet nearly everyone is aware that I'm off the market so to speak, and that I have been for a long time.

Well, I have news...I know...shocking...

Nope, I don't have a new boyfriend, in case that's what you were anticipating.

I have realized with this latest crush that I'm officially open to the market. No, I'm not going shopping, but if someone wanders by I'm not closed for business as it were. Actually, that analogy is insufficient for my case. Most people live somewhere most of the time, they shop at the same stores, eat at the same restaurants, drive the same routes, etc. so being at the market but not shopping would be an adequate analogy for most, but I'm not like most..hehe..yes,  grimace or chuckle... I don't go to just one market. I drop in and out of different ones constantly. This makes things much more complicated. Even if someone wanders by today, I'm leaving tomorrow. Sorry.

When did I realize this? Good question!

I actually told the crush I have, or had, that I liked him, but per the usual way the world works, he's not interested in me. And in fact, now he has a new girlfriend. It's not easy seeing someone you're highly attracted to everyday and realize you aren't an attractive person to them.

Your mind wants to play games.

Rationalization is a common tug of war game against the heart, but I'm not playing that one. My heart does try to pull me into the clouds but it's, unfortunately or not, tethered to the concrete foundation that is my mind. No rationalization required, although tug of war sounds like so much fun, it's really fun only if you win.

At least I'm open to the possibility though. I just have to think outside the box, or as I say...What box? My heart has healed enough to get broken. I've glued it back together so now it can be crushed again. Is this progress? I guess so. What I do know is that it opens more doors and windows in life's long house. And even when those doors and windows shut on my fingers and toes, the glimpses of what I get to see can be life changing and that makes it all worthwhile.

So onwards I go; learning new lessons about life and about myself. Sometimes revealing how much I have to learn and sometimes surprising myself (in a good way) with the person I've become. And surprisingly, even through the pain, life is good, life is fun and life is still full of useful lessons to be learned.

Besides, don't they say things once broken and then repaired are stronger than before?

If they didn't say it, I'm saying it now!

For Stewart,
It's not technically on a sleeve but I like it's message.