Which Way Does Your Fridge Door Swing?

My back didn't handle today as well as it did the last few days. I went for a half hour walk and reclined, as opposed to sit, to avoid putting so much pressure on my tailbone, but I'm back on my little pill to make it through the night. It probably didn't help I had an hours worth of dishes to wash and I was spontaneously desired to reorganize the kitchen....just a little.

The current apartment I'm in only has what I call a dorm size fridge. It's the fridge style with the freezer inside it which means you can put a couple of ice trays and that's about it. Granted, it is slightly bigger than the dorm fridge I had in college, but still...

Anyway, I'd been planning and had arranged with the landlord to purchase a used, adult-size fridge for the apartment. But I've learned a new cultural norm about Mexico.

THEY ONLY HAVE FRIDGE DOORS THAT OPEN FROM THE LEFT!!

No, seriously. I'm not kidding. Too bad if your fridge space is against the wall on the left side of the kitchen (like mine is). You'll just have to rake your knuckles against the wall every time you want to open the door and you'll have to open it all the way just to reach inside. Then you'll have to take one item out at a time to walk it around the fridge to put it on the counter. I seriously am still shocked. I thought it was just standard that fridges came with the possibility to change which side the door opens. They have had that option all my life. And I thought people just knew that. Even the appliance store workers in Mexico have never heard of the possibility of switching doors, let alone the regular population. It's a true unsolved mystery. 

Anyway, I started looking for fridges that opened from the right side first. There's plenty of those normally: not in Mexico. Once I realized fridges that open from the right are an anomaly in Mexico, I thought, "Well, that's not a big deal. I'll just change the fridge doors to open from the right." Hah! 

The fridges aren't actually manufactured to be able to do that here either. 

I finally found what I thought was the perfect fridge. It was an adult, large size, good brand fridge with the predrilled holes to change out the doors in the pictures. So I made an appointment with the owners and was preparing to buy a fridge. I got to the house. The fridge was fantastic. It was huge! And even better, it was clean!! I was stoked. I checked the extra holes in the middle between the freezer and the fridge, yes. I checked for the pivot hole in the fridge door, yes. And then I got on my tip toes to check the very top for the three holes to change the bracket to hold the freezer door on to the box. Nope. No holes. Not a one. They weren't covered or painted over. They'd never been put in by the manufacturer. 

I was devastated. 

I looked for another week and eventually gave up. The next however many months I'm in this apartment will be lived in a constant state of fear that I can't fit something I buy in the fridge or freezer and having to unpackage everything to make it fit and moving things around every single day to make it all work. 

Because I thought I was going to have an adult size fridge I decided to go ahead and prepare the kitchen for it. There was a 4 tier bookshelf I was using for paper towels, fruit, extra bottles, oil, etc. that was in the fridge space next to my dorm fridge. The two are so small they fit side-by-side in the same space for an adult fridge.

In preparation, I removed the bookshelf to the living room and relocalized all my bottles to various awkward locations.

With the reality setting in that I will not have an adult size fridge, I decided to go ahead and put the bookshelf back in the kitchen. There are only 3 upper cabinets and 1 lower so I'm super cramped for space. I cleaned the bookshelf of the items I'd collected in the living room and put it in a new location in the kitchen and restocked it with my fruit and bottles and napkins and paper towels. I can see my kitchen counters again and I can completely close the kitchen cabinets too!

I will definitely miss having a full size, adult fridge for the foreseeable future, but it is really nice to have some organization back in my kitchen. 

The even better news, is that if a right-side opening fridge falls in my lap for the right price, I have space for it because I relocated the bookshelf. It's always good to keep your options open! But I'm not longer fridge hunting. I've spent too many hours on it already and know it's a needle in a hay stack here to find what I'm looking for so it's time to move on to other priorities. 

Here's to organized kitchens, more counter space, kitchen cabinets that close, and refrigerators that open from the right side!!

The bright yellow 'cabinetless' wall with interesting African(?) art decor . (I rent).

Walking Through Back Pain

Many years ago now, I tore my lower back doing a simple lift at a Cross Fit gym under the direct supervision of its owner, who never realized I tore it coincidentally. I suffered for weeks unable to walk and then graduating to using two canes and eventually just one in order to get around. I couldn't stand up straight and it hurt to sneeze, laugh, couch, etc. It also hurt to sit down in a chair or go anywhere in a car. It was a terrible experience. 

After that, I began training in Insanity again and learned a lot about using correct muscles while I retore and rehealed and retore and rehealed my back. I finally recovered (technically you never do) and kept at the workouts but with a new found knowledge of muscle use in exercise.

Fast forward to recently and somehow I reinjured my back. There was no, omg ouch!, moment. I just realized at one point that my back really hurt and very quickly after that, it went from it hurts to I can't move. Once again I was practically bed ridden. I did nothing for a few days other than hobble from the bed to the bathroom to the couch and back. The pain didn't improve, nor did my mobility. So I started taken muscle relaxants (just over the counter ones, but strong ones-thank you Mexico), and slowly but surely I've progressed. 

I have no bath to soak in so I counted on those little pills to relax my back enough to walk. I couldn't stand up straight for about a week and it hurt to cough, sneeze, or laugh again. 

With the little pills though, I was able to walk around my place and one day (I don't even remember why, but I'm going with I needed food) I had to walk to the store. When I returned my back was aching horribly and I could barely stand up. I thought I'd really screwed up going for the walk. But the next morning, turns out my back was better; not perfect, but better. I took more little pills and laid around on the couch all day thinking it would be good to rest it after such a trialing day before. But the following morning my back was no better. "What in the world?" I thought. 

So yesterday I took another super duper, Ronda turbo speed, almost two hour long walk and yes, when I got back my back ached. Granted, I'd done that walk with Denny Crane comfortably resting in his fancy backpack on my back because he can't keep up with my pace for that long and I didn't want him molesting the neighbors by barking for 2 hours either. That night I decided not to take a pill and see what happened this morning. 

Turns out, my back is better this morning. No, it's not perfect. It still hurts if I sneeze or cough, but getting up and down from a seated position, or standing up straight no longer hurts or is impossible. I was also able to crack my lower back which really hurt but also felt intensely satisfying and relieving. 

I still have no idea what I did to cause my back to suddenly go out, but I am glad to have learned that if I can walk through the pain, I can wake up renewed and restored!

I spotted this beautiful bright red cardinal (?) on my walk.

Too Early For Coffee

 Today I'm up so early (for me) that my computer is still in night mode. All the blue lighting to help ease me to sleep at night is very low and I feel like I'm sleep typing just looking at the screen.

It's still too early for coffee. My body doesn't want anything yet. No sensory receptors are ready to function: no sound (except my keyboard), no food or drinks, no candles or aromatherapy diffusers, etc. I'm still sleeping!

Wasn't my choice to wake up this early as I set no alarms and I didn't have any nightmares, but things happen sometimes. Trying to use the time wisely because going back to bed only results in tossing and turning and light sleep patterns where you end up more tired than you began.

Yesterday was a good day for productivity though. Happy to have made as much progress as I did in so many things. Now I just have to stick to my guns and do it all again today! 

Here's to making it a good day.

Working from bed still...

Alive & Dreams

 The title won't make any sense probably, if you didn't see my last post, but I'm going to make the crazy assumption you're here because you enjoy catching up on my strange life, even though I haven't been good at posting for a long long time.

Truth is, I'm not inspired to post when I'm not really happy so it hasn't been a writing season for quite some time. And even less so during the fun newish, now oldish pandemic.

Trying to find a new me and learn a new life and all of that has shown me: 

• I need to sleep until at least 9am no matter how many hours of sleep that actually is.
• I am now a coffee drinker more than a yerba mate drinker even though I don't like the taste better.
• I need in-person/live people-watching to survive a quarantine.
• Shaunt T is still the man for exercise inspiration!
• I am able to learn a lot about relationships and communication by watching The Amazing Race.
• Lamps are amazing things. You never know what you will miss until you don't have it anymore.
• I've never been unemployed for so long in my life since high school.
• Wearing makeup during a pandemic doesn't help you feel more alive; more like silly.
• I hate cooking. This is not something new. Just something verified by pandemic cooking 3x/day.
• Video calls are more stressful than helpful. I'm old school and still prefer voice calls.

Ok, I think that is enough sharing for now. You get the idea. 

In the process of trying to find the new Ronda while not completely losing the old Ronda so that I can find work again one day (Who knew that violinists aren't commodities in the 'real' world and businesses aren't interested in the skill set of dedication, perseverance, focus, accurate and precise work, responsible autonomously, and fast learning required to be a professional violinist.), I'm hoping, yes hoping, to write more in the blog.

I can't guarantee the future and I'm big on not making promises I can't keep, so I will do my best to write a whole lot more :)

When I traveled the world for a living (yes, that was an awesome job), I had so much material I couldn't get it all written down. With life seemingly the same, churning out a mundane existence moving from one couch to the other, I'm not so inspired with fantastic tales of adventure. But, I do live in Mexico with a Dachshund of unparalleled personality, so I'm sure I can find something worth writing about once in a while, right? Well, that's the goal. 

I aim to write much more often here on this blog and if you feel so inclined, responding to me (respond to the blog email if you're a subscriber, comment on my blog, message me on fb, etc.) would be a wonderful way to inspire me to keep writing right now.

Hopefully I will have continuing reasons to keep writing and blogging and reimagining Ronda!

How is he so photogenic? I mean, he steals the shot every time! I am obsessed with my new watch band however.
Who knew 12mm quality watch bands were so hard to come by in Mexico?!

Sleep and Dreams

This last year has been a hard one, for everyone. It partially feels like I've slept-walked my way through it. 2021 has come and although new goals and wishes are supposed to be part of the package, life has continued on as if nothing significant happened. 

I know how many of you enjoy reading my posts, there just hasn't been any motivation to write. Without travel, without work, without friends, without family, without music, without my life, all the things I love to do have become the hardest things to do.

Mexico still remains my home destination. It's the longest I've lived in one country since college. Can't say I'm happy about that, but the road of life has become more about trying to stay in the car than enjoying the ride. 

I'm searching for new ways to bring joy to my days, to find the happiness in staring out my apartment window vs sitting in a restaurant people watching, to want to practice music I never get to perform, to find the inspiration for words instead of mindless fb marketplace scrolling for things I don't want nor need nor afford, to remember there is more to life than laundry, dusting, cooking, and washing dishes. 

When I moved to Jeju Island in Korea many years ago I was faced with a somewhat similar situation where no one spoke English, the time difference was too drastic for long phone calls daily with friends and family, there was no place to go hang out and be comfortable nearby. I felt totally isolated. But I started to find solace when I would go for walks along the deserted roads near the beach every morning before work. And I had work. 

Today the city streets of Guadalajara are packed with people with covid so I watch them walk by from inside my window and I have no work and no dissolutions of orchestras and cruise ships in my immediate future. My friends and family are isolated due to covid but at least I can call them every day and my Spanish is good enough I can communicate satisfactorily usually. 

I could never of dreamed of a life without live music. I could never have dreamed of a life without cruising (even just for fun instead of work). I could never have dreamed of a life without travel. I could never have dreamed of a life lived indoors. 

Yet, this is my "life". 

There are people who reinvent themselves quickly and easily. I'm apparently not one of them. This past year has shown me how so much of who I am are the things I love most and with every single one of them taken away, I've lost myself. I'm sleep-walking through a dream, hoping it isn't reality, but waking up every day to realize that it is.

Continuing from 2020 into 2021 I'm looking deep inside myself to find more. I'm not sure what more, but I know there is more. I want to go to sleep at night, excited about the next day instead of dreading it. I want to wake up each day pinching myself to be sure I'm not dreaming because my life seems so wonderful. I want to dream of my future and not daydream of my past. I want to sleep deep at night because I'm exhausted from a good day of successful pursuits and not because I'm depressed with my view from inside my window. 

I can't picture what any of this will be yet and that makes it even more difficult. Trying to compare it to any part of my life before covid makes it impossible. How do you walk out of the 'home' you've spent your whole life building, shut the door behind you, and never look back? I don't have the answer, but I must try. No one but me can build the new 'home' I need but me!

Below are some select good times photos from 2020. Enjoy!

Shadow hiking with Denny Crane.

Receiving a package that took months and much money to deliver plus a whole lot of luck!

Denny Crane enjoying the lookout:
from our vantage point and from his fancy back back ride!

Denny Crane got me. After a long work out, stretching on the yoga mat, 

he snuck a big ol wet kiss right on my cheek. Lucky dog! 

Hola Amigos!

Sometimes he just wants cuddles.

Denny's first international flight.
He enjoyed looking out the window :)
Yes, "awe" is appropriate!

Cliff knows what Ronda wants when she arrives from
Mexico at the airport after nearly 24 hours of travel!

A sunny day in the grass!

Final memory in front of my childhood home with my family. 

Homemade pumpkin pie from my Mom. No one bakes it better!

I learned the fastest way to reheat my coffee without a microwave.

Denny doing what he loves best. Playing ball!

Denny Crane is still doing well for all those who know and love him! He steals the hearts of everyone he meets and secures "mascot" for every group he joins. The "Denny Effect" is now a real thing.

4 Walls of Isolation

 I'm having Korea flashbacks. The bad kind. Yes, I did end up having wonderful memories in Korea but it took me a while to get there. This life in Mexico is proving just as difficult with totally different factors.

Yes, I can speak Spanish and yes there are people that speak English.

Yes, there are restaurants to go to nearby (for take out these days).

Yes, I'm living without 8 other girls or one very angry one.

Yes, I have access to American TV should I want.

Yes, I'm living in a time zone where I can call my friends and family while I'm awake.

Yes, I have my car.

Yes, I have access to big name stores with all I could want.

But I struggle with depression nearly every day.

No, I don't have a job. Orchestras are no longer working even if I was in the US, but I certainly don't have inroads to one in Mexico at this point.

No, I don't have a place to play my violin every day. I can't even bring myself to play it at all. It's just too depressing.

No, I don't have long walks on the beach, breathing in the fresh sea air.

No, I don't have lovely weekend tours throughout the state.

No, I don't get to be around people everyday (even if they don't speak my language).

No, I don't wake up every day with a purpose even though I have goals and projects.

No, I don't wake up with hope even though I seek it out. The future is blurry and dim each day.

This isn't Mexico's fault. I'm in this predicament through a number of factors; covid and an extroverted personality (needs to be around people to get energy) being the main two. 

My days are encompassed within 4 walls. If I open the doors for fresh air the mosquitoes are waiting just outside for a chance to feast during the night. If I go to the store, it's a nightmare of half hour long lines and crowded aisles because Guadalajara is an open city. I really have no where to go anyway. Why go anywhere? I have no job inside or outside. The more I wander around in my car the more I waste gas money. The more I wander around the city streets, the further I get from the possibility of a job. So I sit around all day. I read all my emails, research topics, come up with failing ideas, and do my workout. For some introverts this would be a dream reality. But for me, my energy tank is empty. It's always empty. It gets a small boost every couple of weeks when I stock up at Costco, and I find myself standing straighter and smiling and even daring to hope. And then I get back home and reality smacks me hard in the face and all the dreams I'd just dreamed quickly fade away.

I finally have all the time to do all the things I'd always wanted. I have time to write (but it always comes out negative like this is). I have time to practice (I cry just picking up the case). I have time to study Russian (I can barely bring myself to learn a new word a day in Spanish). I have time to develop new business ideas (I think about them a lot but never get motivated to start any). I have time to read (ok, I've actually done this but with heavy feelings of guilt every time I sit down to enjoy a book instead of working toward a job). Pathetically, possibly, I don't even binge watch Netflix with my time. My days are mostly silent and lonely. 

The hole is deep and dark and the sides are slippery. 

Legal to walk another 6 months

What an experience. What a day. What a really long day to test my patience, my feet, my Spanish, and my dedication to finding the best perspective and having a positive attitude.

Trying to survive in a foreign country with a second language has certainly been a challenge (every time). Trying to survive in a country (that often works under the table) during a worldwide pandemic has been an even greater challenge.

Before the virus started, I had a job lined up in the US and the intention to start my temporary visa for Mexico (which must be started outside of Mexico). A month before my trip was planned the border was closed as well as the consulates and concert halls. Day by day I read and watched and waited to try to figure out what the best plan was. Day by day my "plans" changed.

Several times I visited the immigration office and every time I was turned away and told to wait. I was a bit worried but I waited. I waited until after my visa expired and I kept waiting as they kept instructing.

Considering the situation progression, I decided to seek additional advice. I paid a lawyer to help me. He filled out lots of paperwork, which I signed, and told me he would make an appointment for me as soon as possible at immigration and an associate would accompany me to help me.

Fantastic I thought. Yes, I've paid more than the cost of a new visa, but I'll finally be able to get an appointment and get help to secure a new visa. Granted, not for my car (thus the title that I'm legal to *walk* for another 6 months), but it's much more reassuring to have a current visa, especially if I can't leave for much longer.

Three weeks later I finally had my appointment. It's a good thing I kept up with the lawyer as I never received the email with my appointment information.

So that brings me to today.

It was an early morning for me as I prepared everything for Denny Crane to stay home alone for the day and made sure I had everything I needed for my appointment at 9. I was told to arrive early. and I arrived five minutes before 9, looked for the associate, but didn't find him. I messaged that I was there and received a message about 10 minutes later that said he was late and was parking and would be there soon. Another 10 minutes later he arrived. Unfortunately, he was 20 minutes late to my 9 o'clock appointment and I was told it was too late. I was not allowed to enter. I didn't understand everything that transpired afterward but I did understand that I needed to wait. And that is what I did. I waited.

Waiting outside immigration. Yes, that is a blow up sanitization walk-through tent just inside the door.

I was finally permitted to enter my appointment around 10 minutes after 11. I did not know before hand that I was going to be standing for the entirety of my appointment and to try to give a proper impression, I wore my business attire (khaki pants and black blouse with sweater). What is included with my business attire are my high heels. My khaki pants are too long for flats. Well, I most certainly did not enjoy standing in place for an hour in high heels after waiting for 2 hours.

But, you do what you need to and I stood there and answered all the questions and signed all the papers. All of this without any help that was promised. I had envisioned a private appointment where I had a translator to help me, but the reality was I stood in a general room alone because the associate was not allowed to enter with me. I did my best to do everything in Spanish and was almost completely successful, which was an amazing feeling. After an hour I was told to wait more, so I regressed to my previous waiting game and waiting another two hours.

Nope, can't say it's my happiest face after half a day of waiting and standing.

At 2 o'clock I tried to get back in to the second part of the process but the doors weren't open. I did have a bit of good fortune in that about ten minutes after 2 they opened the doors so I was permitted to wait inside instead of outside where I was quite cold. However, nothing was happening inside. I sat and waited and waited some more. A half hour later there was finally movement and after waiting for the couple in front of me to sign their new visas, I was finally granted the opportunity to finish the process and sign my new visa, thus granting me the legalization to walk around Mexico for another 6 months.

My car permit is also expired and so far the government isn't extending those permits. I'm not sure why, but luckily for me, I live very close to everything so I don't need to drive often, but it's still disconcerting to know that my car is illegal every time I want to go to a restaurant or Costco.

So after 8 hours (Poor Denny Crane. He held it all day. He's such a boss!), I returned home with blisters on my feet and barely able to walk, very very hungry as I hadn't eaten all day, an incredibly full bladder from not having a restroom all day, and extreme tiredness from waiting all day lol!

Now it is on to another waiting game where I wait on the virus and the countries of Mexico and the USA. What will transpire in the coming 6 months I can not say, but I'm very thankful to have my new visa to wait it out and see!