agents and cruise ships

What a dismal and depressing morning. Yesterday I found out through a string of people that I had been skipped by my agent when he emailed everyone about a job opening. Now, I'm just going to assume that he took my name off the mailing list since we all know he doesn't sit down and physically type in all the addresses. Not sure why such an action would be taken, but irregardless, I'm stuck yet again without a job. Fortunately, I have lots of music friends who get his emails and so I did too and emailed straightaway, but the job was already filled. My agent hasn't offered me a contract since Oct. and I haven't been working since Aug. Yes, it's been nearly six months that I've been out of work now and three of those I've had medical clearance and been not only fit to work, but actively pursuing possible contract openings. All to no avail.

So today was yet another dig into my armor with another job failure.

Sorry to everyone for writing such a downer entry, but this morning brought me to tears as I yet again realized my situation and lack of ability to do anything in the cruise industry for myself. Believe me, I've tried. I tried several years ago and I've been trying for months again recently, but it seems the doors have all been shut and locked to me.

I'm lucky in one regard. I have friends that will feed me when I'm around and let me stay. I have a place to live and a car to drive. All is never as bad as it sometimes seems. Today, a friend is taking me to the Queen Mary in the Harbor of Long Beach. I'm not sure if it will break me down entirely or fill some cracks in my armor so that I can forge ahead with renewed energy and a renewed vision of a bright future.